Last night I was watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey. For the record, I’m not ashamed! Anyway, Teresa made a comment that I felt was beneficial to everyone. She said, “Let the haters hate. I just love love love.” While many people may dismiss Teresa and say she is dumb, there is a huge lesson we can all learn from her based on this quote.
First of all, Teresa is not just saying this quote, she is living it this season so far. While people are constantly whispering about her and making cruel comments, she just smiles and moves forward. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is! We’ve all had people talk about us but often we get mad or frustrated and feel a need to say something or attack. Teresa, having taken that approach in the past, now knows better. We should know better too!
Here’s the problem with getting mad about others’ words or opinions regarding us, we can fight back but it doesn’t make a difference. When we let others get to us it changes us, not them. In fact, the more we let others get under our skin, the more we usually give them to gossip about. The best way to shut the haters up is to make them irrelevant by not caring about them at all.
Let me clarify, you can’t say you don’t care then start talking about them or what they said. In order to not care, you can’t give them any of your energy,which gives them power. In theory this is easy, but in reality it is challenging.
Here are some tips to help.
1. Do not respond, particularly when you are hearing what they said from others. Responding to your “haters” only starts trouble. If you don’t say anything, they can’t respond to what you say, which means you just ended things. This also means you took control over the situation, which is pretty cool.
2. In the rare occasion when you do need to respond, focus on what was said, not the person who said it. We like to comment on the person instead of the message, which makes us no better than them! Simply tell them your/their information is incorrect then move on. You don’t owe an explanation and explanations often get twisted and start more gossip.
3. Just love love love! This is a great one! If a person says something negative, even if they are completely wrong, respond with kindness, Say something like, “Thanks for telling me how you feel. I will try to work on that” or “Thank you for telling me this information is out there about me. It means a lot that you told me.” Obviously these exact words aren’t always going to do the trick, but you get the idea. Smile and thank them for being helpful. You have just taken the high road and if they don’t follow, they look bad! When your friends tell you information others’ say, don’t forget to thank them for being good friends.
The most important thing you can do after this is change the subject and focus on the new conversation. Don’t dwell on anything in silence, move on! Thinking about their words still gives them power. Remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
I hope this helps. This is just a starting point and will take a lot of practice. Try to test out other things that may work for you. We all have different personalities so there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.
It’s only fitting that I end with the wise words of Dina Manzo in this post. ”Namaste, bitches!”